Sometimes the Best Therapy Looks Like Play
A child walks into a therapy room, picks up a toy dinosaur, and starts telling a story about a world where everyone is fighting. The therapist doesn't interrupt to ask about feelings. She doesn't pull out a worksheet or redirect the conversation toward treatment goals. She plays along. And somewhere in that imaginary world, something meaningful is happening. If you're used to traditional talk therapy, this might seem a little strange. But in a recent episode of The Art of Being a Therapist, hosts Ashley and Morgen talk with Lydia Schneider, LCSW, about why play is so much more than a fun activity. It's how children communicate, process experiences, and make sense of their world. And sometimes, being a good therapist means knowing when to stop talking.
What does it mean to delight in your clients?
Lydia uses a word throughout the conversation that really sticks: delight. She genuinely delights in her clients, and you can hear this in her voice throughout this podcast episode. She doesn't just delight in clients' progress or their accomplishments, but who they are as people. She's curious about their worlds, their experiences, and the ways they make sense of things.
It's a refreshing perspective in a field where we're often focused on symptoms, diagnoses, treatment plans, and measurable outcomes. Think about it: How often do we sit with a client and focus on what needs to change? What's not working? What skill do they need to learn? These questions, of course, matter. But recognizing, seeing, and being with the person sitting in front of us matters even more. Lydia reminds us that the therapeutic relationship isn't just a vehicle for delivering interventions. The relationship itself is part of the work. And sometimes, simply being interested in another person is more powerful than we realize.
Play = Work
Children don't necessarily have the language or developmental capacity to sit across from a therapist and explain their complicated feelings. And expecting them to engage in therapy the same way adults do can leave everyone feeling frustrated. That's where play comes in. Lydia describes children working through grief, relationships, and difficult experiences through imaginary worlds, games, and stories. She even incorporates dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills into Dungeons & Dragons. Yes - Dungeons & Dragons - in therapy! And it works for the children she describes because she's meeting them where they are. One child even asked whether they'd actually done therapy during their session. To him, it had just felt like playing. Underneath that play, Lydia was helping him explore emotions, build confidence, and practice problem-solving. There's something worth remembering here, even for those of us who work exclusively with adults: Just because therapy doesn't look the way we expect doesn't mean meaningful work isn't happening.
Sometimes We Need to Stop Directing and Start Listening
Lydia also talks about helping parents better understand their children. Parents often arrive with understandable concerns. They want their child to communicate better, regulate emotions, or change certain behaviors. But sometimes, the most helpful starting point isn't teaching the child something new. It's helping the adults slow down and pay attention. What is the child communicating through their behavior? What happens when we follow their lead instead of immediately redirecting them? What might we learn if we enter their world rather than expecting them to operate in ours? These questions apply to therapists, too. We're trained to assess, conceptualize, intervene, and evaluate, but sometimes we can become so focused on what we're supposed to do that we forget the value of simply being present.
Good Therapists Need Good People Around Them
Lydia's story isn't just about play therapy. She shares some difficult experiences from earlier in her career, including a dispute with a former employer over compensation and supervised clinical hours. She eventually found a professional community that approached things differently. Instead of competition and gatekeeping, she found collaboration, shared resources, and genuine support. That community eventually became a collective of independent therapists who share consultation, referrals, and a commitment to child-centered care. This is a reminder that we don't become good therapists in isolation. We need colleagues who will answer our questions, challenge our thinking, share what they've learned, and remind us why we do this work. And, we need professional environments where supporting one another isn't treated as a threat to someone's success.
Hear the Full Conversation
Lydia's conversation is a reminder that being a good therapist also requires curiosity, flexibility, and a genuine appreciation for the people who trust us with their inner worlds. Sometimes that means sitting with someone's grief or challenging a pattern they've held for years. And sometimes it means picking up a toy, entering an imaginary world, and allowing a child to show us what they need.
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